Is There Hope After a Breach of Trust?

Interesting blog from:
http://www.lettersfromthesoul.com/2008/03/18/is-there-hope-after-a-breach-of-trust/

There are people who are naturally forgiving, lenient and understanding. They make the perfect half of a relationship – whether it be romance or simply friendship. These kind souls are quick to open themselves to an erring partner or friend again, and again, and again. I dare say that they are the bravest of all because they have the courage to expose themselves to possible hurt and pain just one more time.

Zeroing in on a romantic relationship, it is quite an interesting thing to consider how the bond mutates or gets transformed after an act of infidelity – a violation of trust if you like. The ball will definitely be on the erring partner’s side and the way he or she plays it will determine whether the relationship survives or will die a sorry death.

Sometimes, remorse is not enough. A cooling off period may be beneficial to allow the aggrieved party to heal, think and reconsider. Weighing of the options comes next, as both parties decide whether there is merit in rebuilding the ruined trust or totally abandoning the prospect of life as a couple altogether.

At this stage of a relationship, efficient communication and maturity are vital in order to sort things out and if all else fail, to part ways without too much anger. This is easier said than done, particularly for the aggrieved party. That is why it is up to the erring partner to play it right by being calm, composed, gentle and contrite. Dousing the aggrieved partner’s fury with penitent acts usually works, coupled with a humble acceptance of his or her wrongdoing, not to mention a promise to remain faithful henceforth.

Nothing is more hurtful for someone whose trust has been betrayed, than to be blamed for the other partner’s act of infidelity. While there may be some truth to the accusation (i.e., she is not as loving and attentive to his needs anymore), if an erring partner wants to salvage the relationship, he or she should not mention that at this critical point. There are other ways and opportunities to bring up the matter – when the problem at hand has been resolved.

A solid foundation of trust, respect and assurances of love proves to be very helpful also if a relationship has to survive a trying time like infidelity of one of the partners. The erring partner always has the past track record of faithfulness to back his or her claim that what happened with the third party was not pre-meditated and that it was not meant to be taken seriously. Of course, the effectiveness of this wears off if the offender keeps on being unfaithful.

Having said all these, the single most important thing for the couple to consider after one of them is unfaithful, is the worth of the relationship as against the single act of infidelity. Is the relationship worth saving? If both partners are completely convinced that it is worth trying, then this should be their common goal, regardless of the feelings at hand. Again, this is easier said than done, because during such times, emotions would run feverishly high and usually overwhelm logic and reason.

That is why the erring partner should do everything in their power to restore a semblance of respect and trust for them in the aggrieved party, in order for both of them to move forward in salvaging the relationship. Having the survival of the relationship as the ultimate goal, gives them an anchor and an objective so that they will not be buffeted by the “storm” that is the act of infidelity.

One very important thing for the erring party to do, given that they both want to save the relationship, is to cut all ties or means of communication with the third party, making the aggrieved party understand that it is over beyond reasonable doubt. It is surprising how people who have been hurt “calm down” after such assurances, and achieve a more sober mood which is what exactly is needed in order to think more rationally.

At the end of the day, the quality and worth of the relationship as far as the partners are concerned, will determine whether it is worth saving at all. If it has been a gem of a bond all along, such a momentary trial should strengthen it all the more, making both parties strongly realize that they cannot afford to lose it. On the other hand, if it is not that valuable, then, this particularly tough time would bring the fact to the fore and will spell the end of it in the blink of an eye.

A Dozen Wishes for Me This Coming Year

1. Sunrise after the darkest of nights

2. Friends who bring out the best in me

3. A love that makes me smile

4. Belief that anything is possible

5. Courage to finally do what I've been putting off

6. Time for myself

7. Promises that are not broken

8. An answered prayer

9. A heart that forgives

10. A joyful feeling all year round

11. A soul that heals, and

12. A good life and healthy body

Birthday reflections

March 13, 2008 7:28 am

Today is my birthday and I won't let this day pass without doing a blog, free flow of thoughts ulit hehehe :o). Just finished my birthday prayer and quiet moment with Him, what a perfect way to start your day. Actually, I woke up around 6:30 am despite having slept last night around 3:15 am. My husband and I finished filling up and securing 3 balikbayan boxes (and left 1 more box opened as we still lack the curtains that I'm bringing home) and our LCD TV, it's tiring but we treat it as another bonding time. This is the second time that I'm out of the country for my birthday, the first was last 2005 I was in Costa Rica that time.

I have to say that I am so blessed, always turn out strong on the ups-and-downs of life and always very thankful to the Lord, I can't thank You enough talaga po. I thank YOU for everything ......... let me mention a few...

1. For giving me life and good parents. Since the start of my life I knew I was meant to be on this planet hehehe. Premature kasi ako, I was born at about 3 lbs when my mom was 42 years old and yung sinundan kong kapatid (Ate Bebe) ay 10 years ang tanda sa ken. So when I was just about starting my school days, nagde-debut na siya. I grew up like an only child kasi nga bunso and medyo malayo ang age sa mga kapatid. My childhood days were superb, kahit alam ko napalo rin ako minsan na nakatitig pa ako sa salamin with "paawa effect".

2. For making me treat studying as a hobby. Yes, I never treated studying as a burden, I like doing it. My parents sent me to good schools and provided me with all the things that I need, what else can I ask for.

3. For giving me such a positive and happy disposition in life. During tough and sad times, I "bleed" pero very strong and tough pa rin, nothing can keep me from being cheerful and headstrong. Yes, nalulungkot and nase-stress but I stay focused somehow. Siguro, naturalesa ko and also training sa Intel, the company I worked on before. Steady under pressure, I would say.

4. For giving me good friends. Alam niyo na kung sino-sino kayo. I don't keep a crowd, I only keep a few but lasting, meaningful and mga "jologs" na friends. These are the people who makes like more meaningful, happy and somehow, makes me a better person. O totoo yun...

5. hep, ayan gising na si honeypunch, thank you Lord for another good morning kiss and birthday kiss from my loving husband. Ayan nawala tuloy concentration ko hehehehe.

6. For giving me my good, faithful, and loving husband, I always knew it was him. He is my love, my life and daily inspiration. My husband is the best person for me, because he not only brings out the best and also the worst in me, so balanse hehehehe. Though he is my opposite - we always meet half way and we can never be happy with anyone else. We are home to each other. And to top it all, guwaping ang loves ko! May kokontra ba? :o)

7. For giving me a pretty, witty daughter and malambing and "bruskong" son. Hindi ako madaling mabuntis, but we are blessed with one pretty, witty daughter who is a female version of her daddy. It took us about 3 years before we had our 1st baby, Nicole. After 2 years and 8 months, we were surprised to have Maqs coz I was just about to enroll on another aerobics session/s to conceive, yun pala preggy na ako... and boy pa. Thank you po Lord, sobra-sobra na po ito.

8. For giving me a good job/peers/company, 11 years of working on the world's #1 chipmaker is a one of the best milestones in my life, and I should say very rewarding to land on a QRE job, good boss and a lot of exposure to different culture. The opportunity to work with US, Malaysia and Israel counterparts - is simply challenging but I love it.

9. For giving me a chance to live the life of a simple homemaker, this is the most challenging role a woman can have. From then on, I realized all the efforts of my mom nung growing years namin until today when we're all married - wala pang maid nun ha. It's not just about chores, it's about running the whole show of your being a parent, wife, friend, teacher, nurse, lahat lahat na.

I also would like to thank YOU for all the things you never give. I always knew there is a good reason and You know what's best for us.

This is so far my busiest birthday, I managed to finish packing all the 5 balikbayan boxes (with help from Manny, my mom and my Kuya Bok) and send it off for shipment this afternoon. I am now packing for our baggage and hand carries. Anyways, happy birthday again to me and see you Philippines this coming Sunday, Mar 16'08!

Leaving soon?

February 21, 2008 Thursday - Hhhhaaay, it's 7:56 am, just came in from outside the house. It's another fine cold morning in Ipoh. I just sent my daughter to school, her excitement to ride the school bus never ceased since day one. She smiles and waves goodbye as the bus leaves. I loaded our laundry to the washing tub, swept the floor downstairs, take out our planned meat/fish from the freezer for it to thaw in time for lunch prep, wash my Avent steam sterilizer and the feeding bottles and if I am too sleepy to proceed, I just go up and slumber back to bed and cuddle my almost-awake honeypunch. I usually wake up around 5:30 - 6 am, still dark as night outside, so it's the perfect time for me to pray and talk to the Lord. Yes, totoo yun, mas peaceful and fervent magdasal sa madaling araw or at dawn (bukang liwayway ba yun) - nakakagaan ng pakiramdam. Thank you Lord for giving me another day, please give me strength, wisdom and compassion to finish all the things I need to do today and perform my role as mom and wife, keep us safe here, bless my family in the Phils and .......... at the end of the day, bring back my daughter and honeypunch safely home. I miss them already.


Just recently, I have overcome my homesickness. I have been home sick since the day I arrive here in Ipoh (Aug 3'07), friends, gatherings and a few trips banishes it temporarily but at night when I lay my back in bed, I imagine our Gen Tri house, my mom, my family and friends, my neighbors back in the Phils. My homesickness slowly faded away by the end of January'08 - took 5 months ey. I now look forward to more "gala", bonding times with my girl friends, our food trips, i-chats, our very late kwentuhan ni manny...etc... Then last Monday Feb 18, sabi ni Manny sa Tesco doing our grocery, "o ney, wag ka na bumili ng toyo/suka kasi hanggang March na lang tayo dito" - that was a whirlwind of a news. Sabi ko lang, "uh ok". Though I knew that we were going home soon, I didn't expect it to be this soon, as in March na, as in now na?

Nag-hang up ako but we continued to finish our grocery sabay bitbit ng pampasalubong, Ipoh white coffee, powdered detergent, fabric softener etc etc - mag-uuwi ako nito kasi mas mura dito. Well, so much for that shopping stuff....

I can still remember when we first arrived here in Ipoh, I knew our lives will never be the same. I was really sad to leave our home in Phils - my close friends know the reasons why. Manny and I are both somewhat clingy to our family, friends, places - parehong bunso yata kami. But, don't get me wrong we're living our married life independently and happily naman. It's just that pag meron kaming naging ka-close, nalulungkot kaming mahiwalay, lalo na yung aming sanctuary (bahay lang yun) - may separation anxiety ba. When we left, there is excitement, anxiety but full of hope. That was August 2007.

After ~ 6 months of living in Ipoh, we're going home. Just when I started having good friends, our weekend get-aways, pasyal dito, pasyal doon, kain dito, kain doon. Kulang pa nga eh, bitin!

I just prayed and I always knew there is a good reason, other than work. Maybe the Lord saw how I miss home (nag-blog pa nga ako last Nov07), how I think of my mom and so afraid of hearing the phone ring and magsabing may sakit nanay ko or what have you, may He saw how I am not so pleased with the schooling here (I really preferred schooling sa Pinas by the way)...etc. etc.

Well, whatever the reasons are, I fully trust on Him as I always did. There are lots of things, especially folks, I will miss in Ipoh, but I can see that when I go home, hindi ganun kalaking adjustment - it's where I wanted to be in the first place. Lagi rin kasing pauwi ang isip, kaya pauwi na nga talaga.

To my close friends, I can't thank you enough guys and gurls. Alam niyo na kung sino-sino kayo. I will definitely keep in touch. Dito pa rin ako magbi-birthday na magiging despedida pala. It was a pleasure to have met you, all the best and I will see you in Pinas! God Bless us all.

Missing home

November 7, 2007 5:43 AM I was awake since 5 am this morning, hhhhmmmm can't go back to sleep after going to the bathroom. I just prayed and huddled close to Manny, who always gives me a warm hug even while he's sleeping (or is he?). I loved to spend quiet mornings, gives me time to reflect and think about the Lord, our life and be humbled to his Great plans for us as a family, for me especially. Actually, it's been 3 months and 4 days since we left Manila. I must admit I really miss home a lot. Yes, minsan nga I just feel my eyes become moist/wet with tears, especially when Maqs is sleeping and I have time to think about home. This is not the first time I've been out of the country due to company-sponsored business/long haul trips on my previous job but this time I feel different - I am with my family and there's no return ticket. It's like handling 2 very different things in your hands - one makes you happy, the other one makes you sad. You can't do anything about it, just ride on kid. Sometimes, I ask myself "Do we really need to be here (in Malaysia)?" Coz, I terribly miss my mom, our house in Cavite, Intel friends back home, my in-laws in Bataan (yes, I do miss them really) and my hometown in QC. 76 years old na kasi mama ko and I don't get to see her as often as I could - I missed my mom the most. Unlike in Manila, she just comes by and pays a visit to our house in Cavite or we spend weekends going to QC to see her. Ganito siguro pag bunso ka.

The house we just renovated in Cavite, I can always picture it inside and out - how the furnitures are arranged, the color of the walls, windows, our a-decade+-old curtains, my newly-bought lights from Soler (yes, i was the one who picked the best lighting for each corner and room of the house), the empty dog house ni Charlene (boxer namin), the old perimeter fence we have that needs re-painting, si Bogli (our "old"I white askal dog), I always walk around the house, as if I am there. Dami ring memories ng house namin - that is where I used to stay while working in Intel nung dalaga pa ako, wala pa ngang bakod nun eh, it's where we started our married life, dun din gawa ang mga babies ko hehe... friends come over...I love the fresh, cold breeze that always enters the house lalo na pag ganitong magpapasko.. Annggg sarraaapp! Kahit walang bagyo, ang hangin-hangin sa min kaya. Sayang nga eh, di ko man lang napaganda pa yung loob. I would have searched the web for good interior designs, incorporate it with my preference and do-it-myself ba for our house. Pero hindi eh, I needed to start packing up our things and prepare the house for rental. O 6:40 am na, pero madilim pa rin.

Sige na nga.... gising na mga bata. Back to reality muna... sarap kasi magsulat eh.

"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future ..." Jeremiah 29:11